Religion vs Self Discipline...

So I just started a new job which is very exiting, and very frightening at the same time.

It is exiting because it is a very cool position, an organisation with a good reputation and because it keeps me employed for a few more years. It is frightening because I have absolutly no idea what I will be doing, and how the organisation work and thereby I don't know if I can do the job as expected. Of course I can, because I have to... But I lack that element of confidence that I normally have. I am not doubting my capacities I am just not sure what my life looks like by this time next week, as I will be in a new country and a nex city - on top of the new job....

Can religion help?

I am not a religious person, but I think this is a time where it would have been nice to put my trust in something beyond myself. I have thought that before, usually when I am hopelessly in lack of selfdiscipline. I have for a long time now tried to cut back on sugar and stop biting my nails - I have succeded at neither. But in the end, the choice is mine and I just have to stop, it is quite simple actually, but also very difficult. I simply don't have the willpower. Which makes me a bit angry actually, I am a fairly disciplinned and strong person in most other ways; I wrote my thesis in 4 months, I usually finished an exam long before the due time (if I had 4 hours, I would usually leave after 2 and if I had a week, I was done after 4 days) in short I buckle up and get tings done - except the nail and sugar thing, oh yeah and the regular exercise...

In this process of getting a new job, I had several interviews, some better than others, but generally 90% went well. In the end it was up to me to get it to work, I could prepare better, I could focus more I could do quite a lot, but still I found that I would want to send out a little 'prayer', kind of, 'please let me do well' or after I would maybe think, 'please let them give me this'. The thing is, I have no idea who I was sending these thoughts to. Maybe the universe in general... But the universe cannot mikro manage like that, and I am, as stated, not religious. So why do I do this?

Order in the chaos.

I think it was Geertz who talked about order and chaos. We can only control our own actions, not those of others and there is so much happening in the world that is difficult to understand and explain so we, as human beings, turn to something tangible to make sense of it all. That makes sense to me, as the idea of everytjing being random and with no further purpose is just too overwhelming. It is nice to think that there is a reason for what happens, for which jobs I get or don't get, for the people I meet and or the things that happen in the world in general.

I think this is where religion gets it's reason d'etre. We need faith to be able to exist. It is less important what we have faith in, but for us to not get lost in depression and chaos, we need to believe in something. I guess some of us are strong enough to just believe in ourselves while others need something more external, and with a greater power.

Down to willpower.

So how do I cut back on my sugar intake, stop biting my nails, start exercising more. Do I need to find faith in something external and ask for strenght, or do I do as I do in my professional life, buckle up and find the will and discipline to do it, by just making up my mind that this is what needs to happen... I think in the end it will have to be the latter and I need to make a choice that this is what I want - REALLY want. But imagine if I could add faith on top of that, and ask an external force for help in achieving this, that would be nice and somehow comforting. As it is now, I am left with only myself to rely on. And honestly, I am not always the most stable person, so I think I need to wish myself good luck in this project. And also realise, that my nails will probably never be nice and long and look very pretty with polish on them... Oh well so be it. At least I have a really cool job... :)